Touch Me, It's Velvet

At one of my favorite bars in San Francisco, Casanova, the walls are covered with lots of velvet paintings of semi-nude ladies with unnaturally prominent nipples. I suspect many of these were procured on Ebay, as I found some pretty awesome ones for sale...


What the hell is up with this buxom brunette's beehive/pig-tail combo?! It's like her stylist couldn't decide if she should look like a 2nd grader or Lisa-Marie Presley. Her left boob appears a full cup size larger than her right and is errantly travelling toward her armpit....



Now this sexy chica has measurements of something like 40-22-46 with the looks of that unusually bubbly back end. You could stack books on that shelf of an ass!

For those of you who would prefer to gaze at some hunky man meat, this Bruce Lee portrait is for you! Just imagine what he could do with those long, hard nunchuks...



Looking for something more, um, cheerful to up on your walls? Then this pair of happy smiley baby eating clowns are for you! Perfect for your child's bedroom, no?



Oh ok, clowns are not your thing, I understand- I'm sure you'd rather have a portrait of a "A Modern American Media Martyr & American Tabloid Hero" ...yes, that's Joe the Plumber, DUH...what other Modern American Media Martyr were you thinking of?!?